For the longest time, I've been wondering why I was feeling down for so long. Since a few years ago, I've been feeling more anxious, paranoid and depressed, I've been psyching myself out of doing the things I used to like to do alot like play vidya games and watch anime (or any show I ACTUALLY enjoy watching), and at first I thought it was just all in my head, and I just needed a different perspective.

But things started to get spooky once my body started to slowly shut down, I started tripping more, having more neck/shoulder pain, losing my balance more easily, and it became hard for me to center my eyes on something (so reading was like a no go, bro! Which could explain why it was hard for me to enjoy watching sub anime and reading). At that point it became obvious that it wasn't just all in my head, that something was really wrong!

Eating: Cheese Cake	Listening to:Hotel Pool, 09:20PM // Mallsoft, Vaporwave Mix // Deep Sea Current	Playing:Baldur's Gate	Worried about:  Taking art a BIT too seriously
Drinking: Coconut Water	Watching: Youtube	Mood: Questioning	Reading:  Beneath the Sugar Sky

    This morning I was working on another art thing, and I was trying to think up how long the art thing I was working on would take me, and if I could finish it (again, I try to finish my stuff in a day, which is impossible), and then I started to worry if I was behind on my art progress. It took moment for me to realize that this is A BIG worry for me as artist and as a person in general. When I was younger I was always given extra help since it took me longer to get certain subjects, and whenever it felt like I FINALLY understood a subject then it would be too late by then, and the whole class had already moved on to another subject. Or, When I would be taking a test in class, I would always be the last one to finish (even with extra time), and I WOULD HATE the feeling of being the last to finish the test (that's one of the only liminal spaces I don't like)...

Eating: None	Listening to: 🎄Have Yourself  A Very Vapor Christmas 🎄//Christmas Mallsoft Mix- Deep Sea Current	Playing: JUST GOT  DONE w/Genshin Grind	Worried about: the new year (ig)
Drinking: None	Watching: Youtube	Mood:kind of sleepy	Reading:  Every Heart A Doorway (soon hopefully)

OOF, I just got done with my Genshin Impact grind to get a new character Arataki Itto, it took me 15 days to get him, and I was basically playing the game straight for those 15 days. Some nights I didn't go to sleep until 3 am, and my dreams were literally Genshin Impact theme. While I do really enjoy the world and characters of Genshin, I still find the story to be aaayeeeuh?, like I understand the basic story of the traveler finding their sibling but other than that I just feel like Spiderman in this frame...

(This is LITERALLY me every time I beat a boss in Genshin)

Granted I did kind of STEAMROLLED thru most of the story and SOME of the world quest to COP Itto quicker, but I felt like even in the moments where I tried my best to slow down and pay attention to the story I was still like "WOT!?". It was kind of weird since I was so IN GROSSED with the story of FNAF: Security Breach, a game I did NOT expect to give as much attention to as I did, even though I just watched playthrough. I think I need to give the story another try, since I'm only finished the 2n act of the first chapter, and I could always just look up story recap /explain vids on Youtube, if I really REALLY can't pick up with the story is putting down. (Other than finding a lost sibling.)

ANYWAY, I got the BOI, BBY! JUST look at him in ALL his ONI GORLY! I was so worried that I wasn't going to get him, I had to recalculate the odds and gems and EVERYTHING. This was the MOST math I had done in a WHILE, which is weird cuz' I despite mathematics, but it was worth it to get big boy! I also got this buddy too, Gorou, well at least I assume that they're buddies, since Itto speaks well of Gorou in his voice lines (and I read a fic of them just vibin' and I really dug the bromance)..