Oof, I know it's been a LOOOONNNNGGG time since I've last posted to this site, and it's not that I don't like or I've completely forgotten about I've just been very busy. I've been working on my aesthetic neocities site and that's been going good so far, once that site up and running I'll probably use it for more mircoblog stuff or documenting my travels through Neocities (or I might do that on here--I don't know). Just know that I'm not abandoning this site, I put alot of time and effort on here, and this site has helped me sort out my feelings about the internet, fandoms, and stuff about myself general. Like a recent thing, I learned about myself is that I really like projects like having stuff to do that takes alot of little steps to make something big--I don't know I just find that fascinating. And that's not something really common to be found with people around my age especially those who spend so much online, most 20 years old just have an big idea and don't really act on it, or they'll do it but only do it half-way, while with me I (at least try) to put my all into a project.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn--again I'm only 20, I'm not perfect--- I just get so much joy from working on something, seeing it come together bit by bit until it becomes a whole thing, and sharing it with others if it really good. Although since, I like projects I usually take on so many at a time that I make myself a little  A LOT overwhelmed and get that "end of the world" feeling, that my life is over, that each breath I take very well could be my last all because I didn't 100% complete or get to a certain step in the making of the project that I wanted to-- a project that has no deadline--no one waiting on the other side wanting to see it done--but me.... yeah but it really do be like that sometimes. Sometimes I'll be working on a project and I'll suddenly run out of creative juice  in the middle and just sitting there with a feeling of lost because sometimes I feel like "if I not working on a project am I actually doing anything--am I actually still LIVING!" thats when the dreaded end of the world feeling starts to kick in again and down a deep dark spiral of self-loathing and having the feeling as if my art skills are  dissipating into the air-like dust. 

As if I live in a world where working on projects is the only thing to do, and if not then I might as well not exist. Thank god, it isn't like that though, I have books, games, Netflix-- ya know things that most 20 something do instead of taking on 4+ projects and working as if they work for a big company and rushing themselves as the deadline is tomorrow (like the prom). I know that's a pretty simple sentiment, but simple stuff is easy to forget especially when you're absent-minded, I guess  they're just times when I need to slow down and just breath. And even if I suddenly obtain a magical ability that allows me to finish a project like in a day, then it wouldn't be a project, knowing me I probably get a lot of intrusive thoughts saying that finished the project too early, and that's it's riddled with mistakes, and I probably end up scrapping the whole and starting again until I get it right (Glad, I don't live in that world either).I'm young, I got my whole life  ahead of me (at least that's what grown up say)...me not spending the entire day working on a project isn't going to suddenly make it suck or slow down the over all progress, since the deadline nor the audience in waiting exist, as long as don't drop the project entirely, it will be done eventually---this is all just for fun anyways. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to breath more and think less....

Oof, but yeah that's all of the 2 dime life crisis I have for today, next time it will either be a 12 forever review or a Onceler fandom analysis (or another 2 dime life crisis thing) until next time

Later days~