I haven't been able to update this blog like I wanted to and that's most due to me trying to find a job, and dealing with alot of what I like to call BIG DOUBT. I've been feeling a bit discouraged lately in my skills, especially they're being assessed that just makes feel like I'm not good enough, or that it's too late for me to turns things around and get back to blogging and posting regularly like I used to.

I just get really frustrated with myself, but that frustration just makes me double down on not posting because I feel like a trying to play catch up, but at the same time I feel like I'll never be able to catch up.

BUT I REALLY want to post more because I like having a blog, a space to call my own. I don't want to feel like I can't come back to this place because I failed to meet a standard that I made up, it's not like the audience who does read this blog are foaming at the mouth for another post, or are rude or curt to me in any way. Most people I have talked to who have read my blog are pretty nice and understanding, its just my own inner voice that's the problem.

I REALLY don't want to give up on posting, so I'm going to try to post a new post on at least ONE of my blog here on Typepad at least once every two weeks. I want to work up to post every week. I'm going to post about something, even if it is something kind of small or weird, or something someone has already done a 5-hour YouTube video about, I just want to write something!

I just want to write something....

Eating: Nothing...	Listening: Chillhop Nujabes Comp	Last Played: BG3 (Finally beat that Nere dude oof)	Worried Abt: Getting A Job, Maintaing A Consistant Blogging Schedule
Drinking: Nothing..	Last Watched: Agatha All Along	Mood:	Last Read: Sinceration (a story that a discord homie is working on)

"Shoutout to all the elves"

(Red text is a link for comdeic or contextual effect)

Been quiet for a beat like "bro, did the beat go off?" type of beat. I was in the hospital bc my hydrocephalus was acting up, which basically means my brain was making too much fluid to the point where it drowned my brain in it. S'all g now, I'm fine, I got a new device implanted in my brain that should keep the fluid levels low. The old device I had was...well..old and not doing its job properly, which is why my brain was drowning.

Although my brain was still acting like "WUT?!" but that's just a common thing that happens when you get brain surgery. I did experience a bunch of painic attacks, but those were mostly due to me being worried about my stitches getting infected. I was taken to the hospital one more time because the pain attack got so major. The pain attacks started to die down when I got more familiar with my device, since this one is a magnetic version of my old nonmagnetic device.

Now, that I'm back on my normal dork shiz, I've gone back to thinking about unserious stuff like fantasy peeps mucking about in the forest. It's ironic that after I got out of the hospital for brain surgery, I continued to play a game in which characters got stuff put in their brain too, lol.

I've made the choice to change my reviews to just "2cents", since I feel personally its a bit cringe from me to call a post where I just ramble on and on about a piece of media a "review". I've started to dislike the idea of me giving a piece of media a star rating when I haven't properly figured out how my own star ranking  works, plus I'm just some lady online, who the heck's gonna take my opinion to heart!?

I just want to share my thoughts on something that has caught my attention both in a good way and a bad one.

So yeah, we going from Reviews to just 2cents!

That's all I wanted to say, lol!

For the longest time, I've been wondering why I was feeling down for so long. Since a few years ago, I've been feeling more anxious, paranoid and depressed, I've been psyching myself out of doing the things I used to like to do alot like play vidya games and watch anime (or any show I ACTUALLY enjoy watching), and at first I thought it was just all in my head, and I just needed a different perspective.

But things started to get spooky once my body started to slowly shut down, I started tripping more, having more neck/shoulder pain, losing my balance more easily, and it became hard for me to center my eyes on something (so reading was like a no go, bro! Which could explain why it was hard for me to enjoy watching sub anime and reading). At that point it became obvious that it wasn't just all in my head, that something was really wrong!

So, I was clearing out some tabs cluttering my browser, and I across a tab for comic fury. I've been meaning to actually start making comics for like FOR-EVA-ER! But while looking at the Comic Fury tab, I was SLAPPED with the past! I say that like this tab hasn't been sitting in my browser for like EVER, but everytime I look at it, I get FLASHBACKS...

Flashbacks back to the days where I was really gung-oh about being a webcomic artist, madly (and desperately) posting my comics to any site where I thought I had a chance of getting noticed. This was back when before I realized that popularity doesn't equal good art skills (the foolish child!), this was also back when Tapas and Webtoon were really poppin' in the webcomic scene. 

I had two--well NO, THREE comics I was making at the time, Cupcakes and Clubs, The Reverie, and NostoNeo. I only posted NostoNeo to Tapas and I posted Cupcakes and Club and The Reverie to both Tapas and Comic Fury. I remember not liking how Tapas forced all comics to be in infinite scroll format, so I went to Comic Fury to have my comics in that classic webcomic format. 

I remember fiddling around with customization with my limited knowledge of css and html, I took a class for it in 11th grade, but I was in that weird mode I go in when I'm learning something new where I feel like I can't learn something new so I only end up retaining bits and pieces of info. So, my webcomic page ended up looking pretty mid to put it nicely, like MEGA OOF, man!

Cut to 6 years later...

I have better coding skills and I still have 3 webcomics ideas I would like to develop, this time around are Sketch Dump, Queen To Bee, and Chara Bites. I still have no plans to host my comics on Tapas or Webtoons because I don't feel like any of my comics would fit on there since the front page is steamy romances for days, and I'm only skilled in writing slow burn fluff which only makes a minor appearance in all of my new webcomics, oof.

I'm gonna host the comics on here, my neocities, and Comic-Fury, since again my code skills have advanced (at least enough to where I can up keep a comic) and I have my own site now so I don't have to worry about Tapas yeeting my stuff if it actually gets any attention. I'm no longer under the mindset of popular comic = good art, more of comic-making= progress-making, yeah.

I wanna clear out my Comic Fury account of my old comics, but before I do that  I want take a trip down memory lane (even if it is going  a short one) and see how much I've grow in both art and coding skills.

So, let's quit screwin' around and start!

Welcome to Mid Update, a thing that just made up a few minutes ago, I expect these type of blog post to be pretty short, and by that I mean actually "short" and not my version of short, hopefully.

I hope with post like these I could remind myself of all the art progress I've made over weeks or whenever I can remember to post stuff like this...

Anyways, I spent most of the day trying to practice drawing wrinkles in clothes, I got this How to draw clothes book from the library, and I've been using it on and off to understand how to draw wrinkles in clothes (as an artist does...).

 I took some refs from Pinterest, and these are what I could come up with...

Eating: Nothing....	Listening to: 🌿CANOPY GROWTH🌿 // Jungle Vaporwave Music Mix	Last Played: Rain Code	Worried about: Story writing, upkeep of this blog
Drinking: Water	Last Watched: Disenchantment	Mood: Feelin' Fine	Last Read: Peaks Of Being A Wallflower

Artist's Log #1: Okay, Let DO this (AGAIN!)

Here Comes a Thot...

MMMGA! Yeah, I've tried this "artist's log" thing before, but back then I didn't really understand what I was doing (lol), and I didn't really have a good gauge on my focus. I don't know if its me being closer to 25 or me starting to read the bible that life is starting to make a little more sense. I'm starting to get less frustrated with myself, the way I think and understand stuff. I don't want to abandon this blog or any of my other project just because my focus is wacky,  I'm still trying to figure out how to come to a better balance of posts that are just me talking about the stuff I make and what's going on in my life and post that are more eassy/editorial-like (i.e reviews, first impressions, opinion pieces, etc).

I think I just need to go back into just enjoying stuff and actually watching more professional made or narrative stuff instead of just watching a bunch of reviews and video eases for stuff I'll prolly never watch or could have easily form my opinion about on my own. 

With post like this, I plan to just skim over what projects and stuff I've been obsessed  about lately, or more like mused about since I'm not really cool with using the word obsessed when I don't really mean it. I got this idea after looking through some peeps old DA journal post, back during the time when people actually read journal post and you could customize the background...yeah good times...good times.

Its been a min, I know, it was my birthday a few days ago, I turned 24 and  for some reason 24 seems like a big number to me. I don't know why but it just does, lately I've been kind of bummed out how my life is going, not to say its going bad, its just not going in the direction I would like it too. I feel like in my early 20s I've taken on some not so great coping mechanisms that have kind of hindered me in enjoying stuff I did before, at least the same way I did before.